more than just words

loving you feels like breathing it’s an involuntary impulse my body’s way of surviving when my heart no longer responds and even if I wanted to i would not know how to stop i would not know how to erase the memories that linger of your touch the soundtrack of my life is composed by your voice your presence remains present in my attempts to move on but there is nothing beyond you there is nothing beyond us a lifetime of love fulfilled and an eternity to mourn the loss

 you take away the rays of sun and leave me at the mercy of the night sky with no offer of a beautiful sunset or lights to guide my path with you i am in the dark surrounded by the overwhelming sound of doubt and the steady hum of silence a slow and painful torture of the mind a weapon only meant for me a weapon only you can yield when the day no longer serves you i am left to chase your love blindly

she was once so sure of who she was and where she was headed of what she could accept and what she would not treasure of the gift that was her life designed for her alone but once he unwrapped her he took away control and she became the passenger in her own car she developed new burns on wounds that had not yet scarred or healed she became a reflection in the mirror of a girl who once stood with rigour rooted in her values and identity lost to insecurity

with you the grey skies become vibrant and the air feels clear of the burdens we share in a world designed for us to survive and not live a blurred vision with hope and possibilities beyond the happiness of temporarily being with you and i need this to feel something to feel alive to want to breathe and exercise my right to exist but when the feeling is gone and i am all alone when you have withdrawn from what we once were i am cold i am incomplete i am no longer free

Genre: Fantasy/Romance Reading age: 16+ Rating: 7/10 You’ll like this if you liked The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes or Wicked The Musical. I love a prequel and I love seeing the human side to a villain, so when I found out that this book was a prequel to Alice in Wonderland, and the Queen of Hearts was the main character, I knew it would be right up my street. That being said if you’ve watched or read Alice in Wonderland, you know that the story sort of makes you feel like you’re going mad - Or that you’re reading a 10 year old ‘but it was all a dream’ school essay. Well, the prequel is no different. It's extremely creative and the world building is very patiently curated but it's also by no means an easy read. I kind of felt like Marissa Meyers wanted me to be confused. And although she did capture the magic of the story really well, it sometimes felt so far fetched that it was difficult to properly immerse myself into the plot. That being said once you reach the half way po...

Genre: Romance /Coming of Age /Drama Reading age: 18+ Rating: 7/10 You’ll like this if you’ve watched or read End of the F***ing World, It’s Kind of a Funny Story or anything which blends love and mental health. One of my favourite booktokkers always raves about this book, and as it’s black history month, it felt wrong not to read a book by a black author… so I picked up Seven Days in June by Tia Williams. The first thing that must be mentioned is that this story should be plastered with trigger warnings - self harm, substance abuse, suicide, sexual abuse, physical harm, death. You name it, the book has it - which I wasn’t too keen on, I know real life can be shit but I do feel like the story could have been just as powerful without so many different types of traumatic experiences. It almost diminishes the individual experiences in isolation and makes it seem like they must have a culmination of trauma to be worthy of our empathy. That being said it was really well written, very poetic...

one day I got tired of complaining then my heart stopped aching to be loved and desired by you my attachment disintegrated as our dreams went up in flames a future cremated a present in purgatory and you did not even notice that your world was crumbling too preoccupied to have me on your mind you never saw it coming and it was happening right in front of you you ignored the signs and continued to take me for a ride but your ride has an end your vehicle only has space for one an incomplete journey caused by a dead end and instead of turning around it is time for me to get off no longer a passenger taken for granted by you

Genre: Romance Reading age: 16+ Rating: 8/10 You’ll like this if you’ve ever experienced a long term romantic relationship. They say third times a charm, so I decided to pick up another Taylor Jenkins Reid book, and let’s just say I truly think she might be becoming one of my favourite authors. Every book I’ve read by Miss Jenkins Reid is so different, from the themes to the way it’s formatted. If it wasn’t for the same quality of writing, you’d think that the books were all written by different people. After I Do is a love story in its core but more than that, I think it’s a story of self love and self discovery. Like most of us, I usually read to escape my reality, so I don’t like reading things that hit too close to home. But in a way it was refreshing to read about different approaches to love and the different journeys relationships can take. There is a real beauty in realism, and knowing that you’re not alone. The story follows the lives of Lauren and Ryan who were college (unive...

we are eggs in your basket filled to the brim perfectly identical so you never have to choose you never have to lose out on what could have been you let us be chosen by you and to be chosen by you feels like a dream a basket so full but still you cater to the team you make us feel like we are the only one chosen by you but when you take us out the basket and juggle us all at once you may get a fun party trick a tick of our approval or your hand may slip and just one may fall because you wanted us all but we all wanted to be the one chosen by you

Genre: Romance/Drama Reading age: 13+ Rating: 4/10 I loved Ugly Love and didn't really like It Ends With Us, so I decided I needed a tie breaker to see whether or not I could pledge allegiance to the CoHo fan club... and now I feel like I need another tie breaker. Like all of Colleen Hoover's books, this was super easy to read and kept me engaged throughout but when I finished the story, I didn't really feel anything. And I'm an empath, so I connect with everyone but I guess I wasn't able to connect with the characters enough. The story follows Kenna Rowan's release from prison and her subsequent pursuit to reconnect with her four year old daughter, a daughter she gave birth to whilst incarcerated. As the story progresses, her past unravels through letters and memories which makes us understand her current circumstance. The story tries to shape a moral battle for the reader but I think it's safe to assume that no one reading this would crucify Kenna for her ...

when the ship is about to sink and you let go of your fear when you let your mind be here in this very moment acceptance will allow you to feel peace in a time of before for just one second a time of endless hope a time when you believed that there was no possibility of a time like this a life that didn’t exist to you a life that is now yours by force of nature by choice of failure to grow in the same direction two trees sowed from the same seed sowed because they were meant to be a solid foundation but when the roots aren’t strong enough and the waves come crashing all you have is the fading memories the ones you never made and this moment

Genre: Romance Reading age: 16+ Rating: 8/10 You’ll like this if you’ve read: Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover, Dear John by Nicholas Sparks If I could describe this book in one word it would be… poetic. If you have watched moonlight or avatar, it’s knowing you’re watching a movie, or in this case, reading a book but feeling like you’re staring at a piece of moving art. Rebecca Yarros does a great job of describing the indescribable and although it may not be realistic for a character to break out into ballad-like form during everyday conversation, you understand because this book isn’t about realism, it’s about explaining the human emotions our hearts cannot articulate. The book is split into two story’s, the story of Scarlett Stanton and the story of Georgia Stanton, two generations apart but connected by love… and a book that was left unfinished. Between the alternating chapters and eras it can become tempting to read one story over the other at times but by the end of it all you underst...

  to give is not to receive   or to perceive that you will get what you deserve  you can make all the effort  but may not get what you have earned  you can formulate a blueprint  but you can not lay down the bricks  that have been cemented in a brain that refuses to click  to your switch  a heart that is disconnected  a signal that is lost  a network that has been fragmented  from the start  a foundation built on words and not on actions  a script of a love that will never be enacted 

from holding hands to throwing bangs the abuse of physical touch you know that i yearn for your love so why must things be so tough why do you use my love against me buy me gifts and then condemn me for wanting more because i am sure that this is not the right reason for spending and an apology wont suffice if you cannot put aside your pride and reveal all the lies you have told through words that affirm nothing you need to give me something a reason to hold on the clock keeps ticking yet time is not fixing the damage that has been done and you understand my language yet it gets lost in translation you provide me with a service that reveals what is beneath your surface because you do not know how to love you just know how to hate you know how to manipulate  the ways that i feel loved

when the roses begin to wither and the chocolates are gone the jewels no longer shimmer by the rays of the sun the promises remain unstable in the atmosphere the lens of your love suddenly starts to clear and the private stories were for them not for you the movie nights built a wall to stop you getting through to deciding the names of the twins you have been trying to create every evening when there’s nothing left to say and the quotes are no longer relatable a fable of why you should remain faithful to a relationship without a label  except the drunk matching tattoos you got in Naples when you met and the ink permanently poisons your skin to remind you that within you your body is rejecting the sweet little nothings whispered in your ears by the Spotify playlist that left you unprepared for the reality

  she carries scars on her back of burnt villages that never healed when they were attacked  in the middle of the night stripped of her life and dignity with no choice but to live and flee or stare death in the face or join the winning base  and still she endures the pain but now from within the schools that dont feed her brain and the churches who promote sin and gluttony and the very people who ruined her still hold the power their children's children still cower behind greed they still force her to her knees and waste all she has to offer they are the disease that wont let her prosper

you think your heart is moving on as it pursues the search of me hopeful that the door is not closed when it was me who held the key the key to let you free the key to let you be the key is washed away with all our memories you yearn for healing in every hug  to feel tranquillity you linger for a note of honey under every raspberry you crave the taste of growing buds that brought prosperity you chase the sound of every voice that shares my melody you swim the souls within the eyes of love you used to see but you did not want to see you could not bear to hear you refused to swallow pride and you were repulsed by the smell because you hated what you felt and now the irony you look for me in everyone you meet

strap your heart into a harness isolate it in a tower guarded by a dragon impossible to obtain a short lived romance  blossomed amongst flowers seasonal love impossible to sustain a heart is bleeding no plaster for healing sanity dissolving impossible to maintain scar remains forever wishing for more time together envenomed serpent bite replaced sunshine with rain

you're the poem i dreamed of creating god's biggest blessing my very own mona lisa a masterpiece and when granted such a present the gift of your presence reward should follow so forgive me please forgive me when i tell you you will struggle to breathe what was once trees are crowds of business men on the street forgive me when i tell you you cannot go to school your companions will bring heat once they have lost their cool forgive me when i tell you in summer there is no beach sharks will emerge from the sea and let their bullets screech forgive me when i tell you there is no such thing as love you will be used and abused and disposed of forgive me when i tell you  i couldn't provide you a life where justice is served and there is equality for all forgive me when i tell you your providers and creators cursed you with pigmentation that will cause you to fall this is the world we live in no hope for humanity so dea...

my first car an absolute disaster but in the moment the love of my life my first taste of freedom a new experience bonded to me like husband to wife  the inevitable breakdown  the final manoeuvre engine failure followed by relief its purpose fulfilled a new confidence found to search something better and cruise around town  my second car similar to my first provides short term happiness and breaks down even worse impatience brings my third and fourth but tragedy makes me yearn for more more than just a myth of survival unexpected expenditure  just to run another mile and when all hope seems to be lost my dream car finally makes a stop an investment i will never regret the excitement of reliability makes me forget all the terrible rides i have journeyed in the past understanding why none of those cars could last mileage low on the brand new plate head turning model from an acclaimed make maintenance high but worth the price 100% ...